Q: What if he does not want to have kids and I do?
Q: What if he does not want to have kids and I do?
A: It is my belief that the willingness and ability to compromise
is an invaluable interpersonal skill to have in maintaining a healthy primary relationship where both partner's needs are met. That said, I also believe that there are areas where compromise may not be viable. I consider these areas to be areas of fundamental incompatibility, and I believe that a strong desire to have or not have kids falls into the category of fundamental incompatibiity.
I would strongly encourage you to discuss this issue with him directly, and that each of you share with each other candidly your respective viewpoints (as well as the underpinnings of your viewpoints). It is possible that the two of you may discover that it is the timing of kids rather than the decision as to whether or not to have kids which is the issue.
If after discussing the issue openly between the the two of you, there continues to be no consensus with respect to whether or not having kids is a mutual life goal, you may wish to consider counseling to continue to work through the issue.
Jasbina Ahluwalia, a formerly practicing attorney and the Founder and President of Intersections Matchmaking, the first and only National Elite Personalized Matchmaking Firm in the US serving Selective Singles of South Asian descent nationwide.
Intersections Matchmaking has received nationwide press including in Business Week and San Jose Mercury News. Previously Jasbina practiced law in San Francisco and Chicago. Jasbina earned her B.A./M.A. in Philosophy from Vanderbilt University, and JD from the University of Michigan Law School.
As a former practicing lawyer with a graduate degree in philosophy, Jasbina can relate first-hand to the demands and challenges facing her accomplished clients. As a second-generation Indian-American, Jasbina has a unique understanding of the successful blending of South Asian and American cultures.
The mission of Intersections Matchmaking is broader than elite matchmaking and includes spearheading dialogue on dating and relationship issues in the South Asian Community. Example relationship Q&A discussions Jasbina has moderated - NetIP, Indus Women Leaders, Indian Cultural Center and Cornell India Association & Other select schools.
For additional information on Intersections Matchmaking, please visit www.IntersectionsMatch.com. Jasbina can be contacted at
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